meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize