if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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