STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
