She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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