We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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