watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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