He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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