I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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