took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
