need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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