omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
