If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
