Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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