You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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