She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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