I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
