I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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