don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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