The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
