So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
