When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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