just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
