Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
