she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
