after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
