"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
