We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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