sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
