I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
