I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
