You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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