I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
