Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
