i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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