when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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