Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
