College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
