I love black thongs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
