Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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