U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
