do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
