I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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