i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
