I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
