i don't like sucking hair
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
