3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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