an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
