Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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