it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
