she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
