I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
