I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
