I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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