Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
