I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
