marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
