"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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