Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
