Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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