forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
