shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
