spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
