Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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