Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just forgot I was standing up.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize