i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
