marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
