Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
