I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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