I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
