You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
