I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
