Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
