Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
