ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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