I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
