I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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