Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
