Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
