I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
