: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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